I have often had those thoughts that no one is supposed to have, or wants to admit. I am guessing lots of parents, especially of special needs children, have felt the same. Thoughts like "at least if he died, I would have relief" or the temptation of just abandoning him to someone else. Feeling your child to be a burden, one you did not ask for. Resenting his demands on your life, time, and energy. Wishing him gone by some means. And all the while knowing, this is not a good thing to be thinking, yet the thoughts occur to you.
The Lord has kindly freed me from that mentality, hopefully in a lasting way, by showing me the natural outworking of it. "If you were to abandon your child, what then?" Then I could never face Him in peace again. I would have been saying, "I am not willing to submit to You in this. I am not willing to accept what comes from Your hand. Your strength and grace are not enough for this trial. I choose to abdicate my responsibilities rather than to remain Your servant."
I had to choose Jesus, and my trial, or neither of them. They went together.
For any trial in which God does not give us a legitimate way of escape, this must be true. To abandon my God-given duty - to get out of difficulty by some unbiblical means - is to abandon my faith. It is to tell Jesus that although everything I need for life and godliness is found in Him, He does not have sufficient resources to help me in this case. It is to tell the world that my faith is a fraud, and that my Savior is not really strong enough to bear me through the trials He puts me in.
Being faithful under fire is not optional. If you will have Jesus, you must take everything He gives you. To escape by means He has not appointed will take away your peace and your greatest treasure - unhindered fellowship with your God.
Friday, May 24, 2013
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