His Purpose

Give thanks to the God of heaven,
for his steadfast love endures forever.  (Psalms 136:26)

For you formed my inward parts;
you knitted me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.
My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret, 
intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,
the days that were formed for me, 
when as yet there was none of them. (Psalms 139:13-16)

For though the Lord is high, he regards the lowly...
Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life...
The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me;
your steadfast love, O Lord, endures forever.
Do not forsake the work of your hands.  (Psalms 138:6-8)

Abide in Me

From a recent sermon by Andy Dunkerton at our church:
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The true Christian "abides in God". He lives in constant daily dependence on Him, relying on Him for life and fruitfulness and everything. Seeking Him daily for everything. Depending on Him daily for everything. Having Him at the center of all our feelings and thoughts and actions. He is everything to us, and we can't live without Him!

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This is what I want - for Jesus to be everything to me!

portioned out

Father, I know that all my life is portioned out for me
The changes that are sure to come, I do not fear to see
I ask Thee for a present mind, intent on pleasing Thee.

I ask Thee for the daily strength, to none that ask denied
A mind to blend with outward life, while keeping at thy side
Content to fill a little space, if Thou be glorified.

In service which Thy will appoints, there are no bonds for me
My secret heart is taught the truth that makes Thy children free
A life of self-renouncing love is one of liberty.

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And Mary said, “Behold, I am the servant of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word.” (Luke 1:38)

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The service which Thy will appoints is plain to see
Make my heart sweetly submit to Thee

This is not a burden with which I am afflicted
But rather a child with which I have been gifted

For now, my storm You have stilled
Be it unto me as You will

I can walk on the water - with eyes fixed on You
Oh! Keep me from sinking till my time is through

Live to God

To live to God.

This is not an option, something good Christians "ought to do".
This is the purpose for which we were bought by Jesus. To be slaves of righteousness, slaves of God.

A slave does not choose what he does for the day. He simply obeys. His life is not his own.
Yes, we are to obey as children, out of love; but we should not see our lives as our own.

We can't be saved, and then live as we please as long as it doesn't violate our consciences.
Rather we are saved in order to belong to Jesus, to act like Him, to be a replica of Him in this world.
To be the hands and feet and mouth of Jesus, doing and speaking whatever He would do if He were in my body, in my circumstances.

Our error is in not realizing that we are always someone's slaves - either sin, or Jesus. We are never our own.

Jesus is not a slave emancipator who would buy wretched slaves in order to simply free them from their misery and let them go live free where they wish. Rather he is a good master, who buys slaves owned by a cruel master - so that they may instead serve HIM.

2 Corinthians 5:15, "and he died for all, that those who live might no longer live for themselves but for him who for their sake died and was raised."

Galatians 2:19-20, "For through the law I died to the law, so that I might live to God. I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me."

Romans 6:22,"But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the fruit you get leads to sanctification and its end, eternal life."

The fight

It is almost physically painful to see kids born around the time Peter was, and to be with their families. To see their kids, far surpassing mine, brings again the pain, the fight to be content... the need to remind myself yet again that my Father loves me, that everything from His hand is GOOD, that my child is a gift... I don't ever seem to get used to it.  I have to fight it out again every time...

Heaven comes.  Remind me of that.

Psalm 104

1 Bless the Lord, O my soul!
O Lord my God, you are very great!
 You are clothed with splendor and majesty,
2 covering yourself with light as with a garment,
 stretching out the heavens like a tent.
3 He lays the beams of his chambers on the waters;
he makes the clouds his chariot;
he rides on the wings of the wind;
4 he makes his messengers winds,
his ministers a flaming fire.
5 He set the earth on its foundations,
so that it should never be moved.
6 You covered it with the deep as with a garment;
the waters stood above the mountains.
7 At your rebuke they fled;
at the sound of your thunder they took to flight.
8 The mountains rose, the valleys sank down
to the place that you appointed for them.
9 You set a boundary that they may not pass,
so that they might not again cover the earth.
10 You make springs gush forth in the valleys;
they flow between the hills;
11 they give drink to every beast of the field;
the wild donkeys quench their thirst.
12 Beside them the birds of the heavens dwell;
they sing among the branches.
13 From your lofty abode you water the mountains;
the earth is satisfied with the fruit of your work.
14 You cause the grass to grow for the livestock
and plants for man to cultivate,
that he may bring forth food from the earth
15 and wine to gladden the heart of man,
 oil to make his face shine
and bread to strengthen man's heart.
16 The trees of the Lord are watered abundantly,
 the cedars of Lebanon that he planted.
17 In them the birds build their nests;
the stork has her home in the fir trees.
18 The high mountains are for the wild goats;
the rocks are a refuge for the rock badgers.
19 He made the moon to mark the seasons;
the sun knows its time for setting.
20 You make darkness, and it is night,
when all the beasts of the forest creep about.
21 The young lions roar for their prey,
seeking their food from God.
22 When the sun rises, they steal away
and lie down in their dens.
23 Man goes out to his work
and to his labor until the evening.
24 O Lord, how manifold are your works!
In wisdom have you made them all;
the earth is full of your creatures.
25 Here is the sea, great and wide,
 which teems with creatures innumerable,
living things both small and great.
26 There go the ships,
and Leviathan, which you formed to play in it.
27 These all look to you,
to give them their food in due season.
28 When you give it to them, they gather it up;
when you open your hand, they are filled with good things.
29 When you hide your face, they are dismayed;
when you take away their breath, they die
and return to their dust.
30 When you send forth your Spirit, they are created,
and you renew the face of the ground.
31 May the glory of the Lord endure forever;
may the Lord rejoice in his works,
32 who looks on the earth and it trembles,
who touches the mountains and they smoke!
33 I will sing to the Lord as long as I live;
I will sing praise to my God while I have being.
34 May my meditation be pleasing to him,
for I rejoice in the Lord.
35 Let sinners be consumed from the earth,
and let the wicked be no more!
 Bless the Lord, O my soul!
 Praise the Lord!

even this

It's really discouraging to find a therapy sheet from over a year ago (for Peter) and to see that we are working on the exact same things today.  A lot has happened since then, drugs, regression, progression, the diet.  And yes, I am thankful for the progress I can see from 6 months ago.  I must again choose this, rather than resent it. Accept even this from a loving Father's hand...