How long I have lived with the basic mentality that when we are saved, God "wipes the slate clean" and therefore can love us, looking at a "forgiven" person. Yet every day, I keep sinning, and feeling that "now God is angry with me because my slate is no longer clean." I know in my head that this isn't theologically correct, but my heart still lived by it.
But God has finally made my heart see! When I am saved, it is not so much as if He wipes my slate clean, then loves me based on how well I keep it clean. It is more as if I come to the throne room of God, and the agents at the door say, "let's look at this person's record to see if they can be admitted." And when they look, they see a notation that says, "see Jesus' record." And looking there, they see a perfect, spotless record; and so in Jesus I am admitted to the presence and love and smile of God.
This is what makes a heart free! This is what causes me to love my God. To live out from under the perpetual burden of guilt. To learn what it is to be "[cleansed] from dead works to serve the living God" (Heb.9:14).
It is not that sin no longer matters; that would be like saying I can offend you and act as though nothing is wrong in our relationship.
But it means that my sin, my perpetual failure to be perfectly what God commands - my sin does not turn away His love from me or close His arms to me. He does not wear a perpetual frown and have a mentality of "I cannot love you at this moment because you are not measuring up." On my own two feet, yes. But not in Christ. In Christ, His record is what matters, though mine keeps getting defiled. Jesus' record is what God looks at, as it were, to see if He can love me at this moment. And that record always passes the test.
Praise be to God!
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
worry
Worry is the fear that God will not do you good (in a given situation).
No wonder then that worry is an affront to Him; we are disbelieving His goodness toward those whom He paid so much to redeem! "He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?" (Rom.8:32). If you really believe He is good, and is always good toward His beloved children through Christ - then you will be at peace, believing that whatever He works out in your life, it will prove to be an expression of His goodness.
Worry is fearing that God will not do what you want Him to do. We believe that He loves us, but we want to define what that love will look like. We think we know best what is best for us. We are a child who says to his mother, "if you loved me, you would let me ______ " (eat ice cream all day. play in the busy street. have a gorilla for a pet. not go to school. not give me unpleasant consequences for disobeying.) And we tell God, "If You really loved me, You would do what I wanted!" (Not allow me to be sick. Give me a pleasant life with no uncomfortable circumstances. Not allow people I loved die or move away.)
Believe His wisdom. Believe His goodness. And having taken all your concerns to Him, rest your heart.
No wonder then that worry is an affront to Him; we are disbelieving His goodness toward those whom He paid so much to redeem! "He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?" (Rom.8:32). If you really believe He is good, and is always good toward His beloved children through Christ - then you will be at peace, believing that whatever He works out in your life, it will prove to be an expression of His goodness.
Worry is fearing that God will not do what you want Him to do. We believe that He loves us, but we want to define what that love will look like. We think we know best what is best for us. We are a child who says to his mother, "if you loved me, you would let me ______ " (eat ice cream all day. play in the busy street. have a gorilla for a pet. not go to school. not give me unpleasant consequences for disobeying.) And we tell God, "If You really loved me, You would do what I wanted!" (Not allow me to be sick. Give me a pleasant life with no uncomfortable circumstances. Not allow people I loved die or move away.)
Believe His wisdom. Believe His goodness. And having taken all your concerns to Him, rest your heart.
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
Kids update - December 4, 2007
It's been a long time since I've "blogged." Mostly because I'm a perfectionist and think I need to be all comprehensive every time, and there never seems to be spare "time" with nothing else to do in which to write things.
Anyway, here's a recent picture of the girls, wearing dresses that came from my sister Elizabeth after her girls outgrew them. (Ok, so maybe black pants don't match... tights just seem too much trouble.)
Emily is hitting that verbal explosion that I remember Katherine coming to, where she has the ability to attempt to imitate any word you say (if she wants to). She still uses hand motions for "please" and "thank you", though they occasionally come out verbally too. She can communicate what she wants (as long as Mommy remembers that "poooo" (spoon) is not the same as "poo" (food) or any other similar "word" of hers).
She also has a great sense of humor, and likes to do things for the purpose of being funny (as opposed to, kid things that she does being innately funny to adults). E.g., she put part of her cheese sandwich on her head for a hat, and yes, it was funny. (who thinks of making food be a hat??)
Katherine is learning to read with a book called "Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons" - thanks to Jolene, who was using the book with Anna when we visited them in July. It's nice because pretty quickly they add a little "story" to each lesson (which at the beginning might be all of 3 words), and she looks forward to that.
We try to do some math too, but really dropped the ball on that during November. Maybe we can do better in December. She really likes to do it, it's just a matter of Mommy making time for it. Now that I'm not so exhausted all the time, maybe we can make it a priority again.
Anyway, more to write, but Katherine's waiting for the books I promised to read before bed.
Anyway, here's a recent picture of the girls, wearing dresses that came from my sister Elizabeth after her girls outgrew them. (Ok, so maybe black pants don't match... tights just seem too much trouble.)
Emily is hitting that verbal explosion that I remember Katherine coming to, where she has the ability to attempt to imitate any word you say (if she wants to). She still uses hand motions for "please" and "thank you", though they occasionally come out verbally too. She can communicate what she wants (as long as Mommy remembers that "poooo" (spoon) is not the same as "poo" (food) or any other similar "word" of hers).
She also has a great sense of humor, and likes to do things for the purpose of being funny (as opposed to, kid things that she does being innately funny to adults). E.g., she put part of her cheese sandwich on her head for a hat, and yes, it was funny. (who thinks of making food be a hat??)
Katherine is learning to read with a book called "Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons" - thanks to Jolene, who was using the book with Anna when we visited them in July. It's nice because pretty quickly they add a little "story" to each lesson (which at the beginning might be all of 3 words), and she looks forward to that.
We try to do some math too, but really dropped the ball on that during November. Maybe we can do better in December. She really likes to do it, it's just a matter of Mommy making time for it. Now that I'm not so exhausted all the time, maybe we can make it a priority again.
Anyway, more to write, but Katherine's waiting for the books I promised to read before bed.
Monday, October 15, 2007
I cannot lose!
Yesterday our pastor (Gary Hendrix) preached a marvelous sermon on "More than Conquerors" from Romans 8:37 ("No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us."). He gave the example of World War II, where we (the US) won. Yet in winning, we lost many things, many young men who might have been great assets to society in other ways. Winning cost us financially and in many other ways.
But he said, being more than conquerors means that you win, and you are no worse off for it, but better. No casualties. No wounded. No loss of any sort. MORE than conquerors!
This means that I cannot lose. Nothing can be against me. As the pastor said, it would be far better never to sin. Yet when we are in Christ, sin cannot have the results upon us that Satan wishes. Satan wishes sin to make us worse, to turn us against Christ, to make us apostate. But the Holy Spirit uses our sin to convict us, to turn us to Christ, to make us more humble, more like Christ, more dependent on Him.
I cannot lose. It takes away my fear. If I remain healthy all my life, I cannot lose. If God gives me debilitating sickness, I cannot lose. If I have the large family I have desired - or if He gives me only a few children - either way, I cannot lose. If my husband dies at a young age, if we have nuclear war, if I never seem to succeed at the things I struggle with, if I never see the fruit of my labors - yet I cannot lose! Nothing can be against me, in Christ. Everything, everything, will have the result upon me of more than conquerors, of winning with no loss whatsoever to my ultimate condition. Nothing can cause me real harm or lasting detriment. I cannot lose!
If I could live remembering this, I would be a joyful person, no longer so discouraged over disappointed expectations or unmet goals; for whatever the outcome of this day, God shall use it to do me good and not evil. He has promised. He always keeps His Word!
But he said, being more than conquerors means that you win, and you are no worse off for it, but better. No casualties. No wounded. No loss of any sort. MORE than conquerors!
This means that I cannot lose. Nothing can be against me. As the pastor said, it would be far better never to sin. Yet when we are in Christ, sin cannot have the results upon us that Satan wishes. Satan wishes sin to make us worse, to turn us against Christ, to make us apostate. But the Holy Spirit uses our sin to convict us, to turn us to Christ, to make us more humble, more like Christ, more dependent on Him.
I cannot lose. It takes away my fear. If I remain healthy all my life, I cannot lose. If God gives me debilitating sickness, I cannot lose. If I have the large family I have desired - or if He gives me only a few children - either way, I cannot lose. If my husband dies at a young age, if we have nuclear war, if I never seem to succeed at the things I struggle with, if I never see the fruit of my labors - yet I cannot lose! Nothing can be against me, in Christ. Everything, everything, will have the result upon me of more than conquerors, of winning with no loss whatsoever to my ultimate condition. Nothing can cause me real harm or lasting detriment. I cannot lose!
If I could live remembering this, I would be a joyful person, no longer so discouraged over disappointed expectations or unmet goals; for whatever the outcome of this day, God shall use it to do me good and not evil. He has promised. He always keeps His Word!
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
Kid News - October 2007
This is a very short KidNews, but I just wanted to jot down a few thoughts. Maybe someday I'll have time to post a few pictures.
Emily now says "booh" (grape. Don't ask me how that works... but it sounds different than the "boo" for "book"), "ame" (amen), "shoo" (something like that - for "thank you"), and "hsh" (shoe). She loves to carry around heavy things, and also put things onto a chair and push them around.
We put Katherine's talking globe away for a while, since she started not wanting to hear certain country songs or turn the globe on/off by herself (she has this thing about unexpected sounds - even sounds that she knows are coming). But just today we got the marble tower out again, since Emily (mostly) will keep marbles out of her mouth now. Both girls enjoyed that.
I also got out some of my old childhood legos out of the attic (which include some of my Mom's childhood legos!), and those have been enjoyed as well.
Most reading this will already know that #3 is on the way, and making Mommy verrrrry tired. Though less tired now that I finally weaned Emily two weeks ago. Before that I had no energy for a week or two, and decided I just couldn't go on that way. Anyway - they did finally find a heartbeat at my first prenatal appointment, for which I thank the Lord (it took awhile to find). Lord willing, baby will be due in the first part of May.
Emily now says "booh" (grape. Don't ask me how that works... but it sounds different than the "boo" for "book"), "ame" (amen), "shoo" (something like that - for "thank you"), and "hsh" (shoe). She loves to carry around heavy things, and also put things onto a chair and push them around.
We put Katherine's talking globe away for a while, since she started not wanting to hear certain country songs or turn the globe on/off by herself (she has this thing about unexpected sounds - even sounds that she knows are coming). But just today we got the marble tower out again, since Emily (mostly) will keep marbles out of her mouth now. Both girls enjoyed that.
I also got out some of my old childhood legos out of the attic (which include some of my Mom's childhood legos!), and those have been enjoyed as well.
Most reading this will already know that #3 is on the way, and making Mommy verrrrry tired. Though less tired now that I finally weaned Emily two weeks ago. Before that I had no energy for a week or two, and decided I just couldn't go on that way. Anyway - they did finally find a heartbeat at my first prenatal appointment, for which I thank the Lord (it took awhile to find). Lord willing, baby will be due in the first part of May.
Friday, September 14, 2007
new words / drought
Emily's new words since the last post: daddy, nigh-nigh (night-night), uh (up), boo (book), beah (bear), beeh (bread).
And since the rain at the end of August, we've had negligible rain until today, when the remnants of hurricane Humberto blew through, and we got perhaps an hour of rain total. The western parts of the state got rain non-stop for several hours, which was great, since they've got the worst drought conditions of all the state. And we pray for more... they say we need 12-18 inches to ease the drought at the moment. We've been in category 4 drought (out of 5) for some weeks now, and the southwestern bit of the state in category 5. In many counties, farmers have apparently lost 30% of their crops for the year, or more.
And since the rain at the end of August, we've had negligible rain until today, when the remnants of hurricane Humberto blew through, and we got perhaps an hour of rain total. The western parts of the state got rain non-stop for several hours, which was great, since they've got the worst drought conditions of all the state. And we pray for more... they say we need 12-18 inches to ease the drought at the moment. We've been in category 4 drought (out of 5) for some weeks now, and the southwestern bit of the state in category 5. In many counties, farmers have apparently lost 30% of their crops for the year, or more.
Thursday, September 6, 2007
Kid News - September 2007
Katherine has gotten into her talking globe again, and loves to make it play music from whatever country she touches. She knows where a lot of countries are already.
Emily (almost 13 months old) is mostly walking now. She really took off walking, and hasn't looked back. She thinks her toes are hilarious, especially when they reappear after putting shorts on, or if she's being held such that her toes are near her hands. She still loves to put things into other things and take them out again, though not quite as much as a month ago.
She has almost stopped putting everything in her mouth, and can be told not to do that (and sometimes listens), so we've gotten out the little Legos again, to Katherine's delight - and Emily's, too. They mostly like to take apart and reassemble the Lego people, though Katherine will also build things. Emily doesn't do much building yet, though she does like to take the helmets off the Lego people's heads and then put them on again; she mostly succeeds at putting them on, to my surprise.
Emily says Mommy, no, "mmmm" (means yes), babbee (baby), jee (cheese), dee (drink), and ta-tee (toesies). She understands a huge amount and can do things that you ask her to do ("go get your baby" or "go find Katherine", etc.). She also laughs a lot and loves to be tickled - and to watch Katherine be tickled.
Emily (almost 13 months old) is mostly walking now. She really took off walking, and hasn't looked back. She thinks her toes are hilarious, especially when they reappear after putting shorts on, or if she's being held such that her toes are near her hands. She still loves to put things into other things and take them out again, though not quite as much as a month ago.
She has almost stopped putting everything in her mouth, and can be told not to do that (and sometimes listens), so we've gotten out the little Legos again, to Katherine's delight - and Emily's, too. They mostly like to take apart and reassemble the Lego people, though Katherine will also build things. Emily doesn't do much building yet, though she does like to take the helmets off the Lego people's heads and then put them on again; she mostly succeeds at putting them on, to my surprise.
Emily says Mommy, no, "mmmm" (means yes), babbee (baby), jee (cheese), dee (drink), and ta-tee (toesies). She understands a huge amount and can do things that you ask her to do ("go get your baby" or "go find Katherine", etc.). She also laughs a lot and loves to be tickled - and to watch Katherine be tickled.
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