4-month pediatrician visit

Peter had his 4-month pediatrician visit today. The Dr. confirmed what I already knew - Peter's not doing some of the normal 4 month things. But somehow hearing him say "delayed" just makes it all the more real. I'm praying that the early intervention people will be able to tell me what therapy I can do with Peter at home NOW before I have to wait for another evaluation that says "delayed" more. I don't want to waste any time...

Peter also was panicking when I put him on his back after lunch, to the point of tightening up his whole body and screaming, till I held him and he calmed down again. I don't know what the deal was, except that he has not had any good naps this morning. I don't think he's acted like that before.

a weird week

So, the day after my last post, Peter was a silent child. Not normal at all. Didn't have much interest in eating till at least midday. Looked lethargic, sleepy, just "out of it." Literally didn't make any noise till a few weak peeps when he was cold after being given a shower and not being dressed yet. (Yes, we just wash him in the shower when the other kids have a shower. No room for a baby tub anyway, and why run a bath in the big tub for one baby?). By Sunday he was at least eating normally, though still sleeping more than usual. Then we had a fussy Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday (without my eating dairy or chocolate...). So I read that soy proteins could be reacted to the same way as dairy proteins (by a baby) because they are structured similarly. And I had soy cheese on my pizza Friday night. Don't know if that had anything to do with it. But then you start second-guessing everything... does soy sauce bother him? Soybeans in mayo? something else entirely? Or was it even something I ate? Maybe he's still getting over whatever mysterious thing was wrong with him Saturday. He didn't have any other symptoms, no vomiting or diarrhea or fever, though he was a little warm that day.

Monday I came down with a cold, which wiped out my energy till Thursday. Not helped by the fact that Peter likes to wake up at 4:00 or 5:00am and fuss till I feed him at 6:00. Poor child. Which means I haven't slept all that well between those hours either. Today being Friday, I'm really tired from not sleeping enough last night, but it's a different tired than the lack of energy from a cold (I think), so I hope I'm getting better.

I need to learn to accept Peter as whoever he is, and not be constantly frustrated that he's not whatever I wish he were. To learn what Paul learned and wrote of in Philippians: "to live is Christ" and therefore, "I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content." He said "Only that in every way... Christ is proclaimed, and in that I rejoice." When Jesus is everything to you, and you are his glad slave, then wherever He puts you, and whatever He gives you to do, it is okay. I can rejoice! O, to live that...

Peter update

Peter is 4 months old this week. I'm realizing that the little girl in our church (born the same week as Peter) is ahead of him already in several ways. Partly just the difference in interaction between each baby and his/her parents, but I'm guessing some of it is just Peter.

He smiles at things occasionally, but rarely back at someone talking to him. Doesn't smile all that much, but then he's been fussy a lot too (I'm testing whether my staying off chocolate and dairy helps him - possibly, but I don't know for sure). He can hold up his head when lying on his stomach, but doesn't hold it steady when you hold him upright. He doesn't grab things very much, though he'll hold my thumb if I put it in his hand. He doesn't put his hands in his mouth much at all (and therefore, not much self-soothing... :-/ ).

He does track objects with his eyes and can hear well. He is a bit near-sighted, but that's not necessarily abnormal. He has slept much of his life in our homemade crawl track (bigger than the one at that link, and costing a lot less than they charge!) - and therefore, he can crawl (of a sort), especially when he is mad or fussy. He can get from one end to the other (6 feet?) in a few minutes if he's really upset. So as far as crawling goes, he's not behind yet. :-) ...


maybe this has been my honeymoon period
when any delays are not that evident
because there is not that much difference between Peter and other babies.
yet.
my time to hope and wish for normalcy
to be in denial of his problem affecting anything
to treat him (almost) like a normal baby

it's probably time to get serious about doing as much program / home therapy as I can with him, in whatever time he is both awake and happy. To make everything else give way to Peter's needs. Time is his enemy. More time left to "develop normally" without extra help is probably time wasted.

there's still plenty of time to homeschool when he's sleeping.
by God's grace, I will learn to plan meals and things so that our home can run more smoothly.
I'm glad for a homeschool routine that works at the moment, and for 2 girls who can work mostly on their own in a lot of ways.

------------------------------

little one
I just want you to be well
to be whole

I know I should be resting in
the wisdom of my God
but at times I just want to cry

and all the unknown days ahead
make me want to fear and fret

and yet His grace
is sufficient for today
surely it will be enough
for each future "today"

O God
teach me not to be afraid

little boy

Here's our little boy - 5 1/2 weeks old!

waiting children

they are the ones we turn away from
or stare at in the store
imperfect
defective
disabled and more

waiting to be loved
by someone forever
waiting for parents
who won't leave them ever

so many
with problems
with so many needs


why is it
that we turn our faces away
hope someone else
will love them someday

is adoption then only
for our selfish reasons

would we only choose a child
expected to be "normal"
who would not be
an inconvenience
would not be
one of the weird ones
the needy, the helpless,
dependent ones

yet if God had them
be born to us
we would love them
we would care for them
we would do our best for them
no matter what


who will love them?
who will take the thousands
of waiting children
many of them undesired -
teenagers, "too old, too hard" -
they wish for families too...
babies, born with special needs
might never walk or talk with you...


what then does it mean
to care for the orphan
if we turn away
from the neediest

what does it mean
to show God's love
if we are not willing
to love them

for we are imperfect
defective
disabled by sin
yet the Father
with costly love
took us in

we were more
than an inconvenience to Him

we've been adopted
without being desirable
without being normal

yet He is not embarrassed
to call us His children
not ashamed to claim us as His own
through unconditional love

O God
make us like You
show us ourselves
give us hearts to love
the unlovely
to the glory of God


http://www.togetherforadoption.org/?p=10545

http://www.adoptuskids.org/Child/ChildSearch.aspx (and do a search for age 6 as the oldest age).

humble pie...

... is when you eat your words. I now have what I was proud my other kids were not: a "paci" child, who also likes to be rocked to sleep. He doesn't do well putting himself to sleep yet...

time in the hospital

Well, Peter Joseph was born on April 25, the day after my birthday. He spent 10 days in the hospital NICU due to sporadic breathing & oxygenation problems. Well, the last 5 days were just observation to see if his problems had resolved themselves. We thank the Lord that he seems to be fine now, is home like a normal newborn, and has been cleared to be off the apnea monitor as well.

Being in the hospital almost 24/7 is another world. Not being aware of the weather outside, except to notice if it rained or not. Not much aware of news going on either. Just the NICU; washing up before you go in; walking down to see how Peter's doing today; pumping milk so that the nurses have something to feed him when I go home at night. Waiting to see when we can go home. Glad when we would check in to find that nothing else had come up overnight with the baby, that he had had a good night with no "events".

While we were there, April turned into May. The pea plants in the garden doubled in height. Jeff learned to put on his own shoes, and all the kids got practice brushing and even flossing their own teeth. My Mom held down the fort with them at home while we were gone, and David's mom helped out as well, taking the kids to have time at her house to give my Mom a break.

We were very happy to get to come home on May 4th, and be home for Jeff's 3rd birthday on May 5. And to have the pediatrician tell us on May 6th that we didn't really need to keep using the apnea monitor! (since Peter had been fine for a week at that point).

God has been so good to us! "The future still unknown..." but God knows it from beginning to end.